so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
