Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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