Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
