I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
