thus making me awesome and them whores
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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