He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
