Jerry, you need to find god
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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