i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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