I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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