i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
