You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
