; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
