i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I understand Curling. That high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
