Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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