Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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