Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
