so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
