I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
