does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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