I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
