I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
