She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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