So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
