i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
