yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
