This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
