it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
