I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
