I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
