I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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