so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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