Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
FUCK WHALES
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
