it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
