barbara walters just said penis...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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