No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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