You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
someone owes me an orgasm
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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