So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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