youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
