What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
