You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
