Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Vodka?
Forever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
