just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
