maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
