thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I want her autograph on my taint
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
