I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
