The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
