I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
try to milk me bitch
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