i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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