Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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