I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
