yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
