White coat. Heels.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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