I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
